Thursday, July 19, 2012

Final Fantasy 7 : Cinderella. A scripted Parody, Part One

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The Cast of FF7 do Cinderella!

Cinderella CLOUD STRIFE

Prince Charming AERIS GAINSBOROUGH

Fairy Godmother SEPHIROTH

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Ugly Sisters BARRET WALLACE & CID HIGHWIND

Shoe Carrier TIFA LOCKHEART

Evil Stepmother RUFUS SHINRA

Narrator YUFFIE KISARAGI

Director VINCENT VALENTINE

Backstage

Cloud No fair… I had to dress up as a girl in FF7 too!

Aeris giggles but you look so cute as a lady!

Cloud That’s… not the point. I’m scared that if this happens too often I’ll start doing… feminine things…

Sephiroth If it’s any help, at least you don’t have to wear fairy wings…

Cloud True… but I still feel stupid.

Barret YOU feel stoopid? Wha’ ‘bout us? We’re the fools who gotta look like clowns!

Cid Shit yeah, I better get a god-damn strong cup of tea for this!

Tifa Here, I made you one already. winks Don’t forget to drink it like a lady and extend your pinky finger~!

Cid …

Vincent That’s… my line…

Cid Whatever…

Squall pops his head in through the door Hey, that’s my line.

Aeris Hey Squally, what’re you doing here?

Squall We’re filming ‘The Cast of FF8 do Alice in Wonderland!’ next door…

Yuffie Wow, that sounds… ehh, interesting! Nyuk nyuk nyuk…

Squall It sucks… I have to dress in this little blue dress with an apron and wear a long blonde wig and… notices how Cloud, Sephiroth, Cid and Barret are dressed Ohh… leaves quietly

Rufus Okay, let’s get this over with so we can get out of these frocks as soon as possible.

Seph Agreed.

Cloud You got it.

Scene One Cindy

CLOUD is scrubbing the cellar floor, BARRET and CID enter, followed by RUFUS.

Yuffie Once upon a time, there was a girl called Cinderella. Cinderella had two older stepsisters who teased and bullied her into doing all the chores around the house. She’d ended up with them because after her mum died, Cindy’s dad married a complete bitch. Oh yes, the step mother hates her too, poor Cindy…

Cloud Oh dear, I am ever such a mess…I hate being in the cellar with only mice for company… confused look was that good?

Vincent … yes…

Barret Uhh… yeah. So did you hear of that ball they are gonna be holding jes’ round the corner at that palace place, fool?

Cid Yeah, I heard of it. They better bloody well not let Cindy in. She’s not presentable, damnit!

Cloud But I…?

Rufus Cinderella, I forbid you from going to the palace. There’s some washing up needs doing…

Cloud looks melancholy

Exit BARRET, CID and RUFUS.

Cloud It’s so unfair… If only I could go to the ball!

Enter SEPHIROTH.

Sephiroth Do not be alarmed, I am your… pouts Do I have to say this?

Vincent … do you want to be brutally slaughtered again…?

Sephiroth Okay, okay! clears throat Do not be alarmed, I’m your Fairy Godmother, and I can make your wishes come true! looks disgusted at himself

Cloud seems to be enjoying himself Really? Could you repeat that? I’m a little hard of hearing… grins mischievously

Sephiroth annoyed expression I am you Fairy Godmother, Clou- uh, Cinderella! Cinderella

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